3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wear drunk well.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
