Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
