My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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