I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were trust falling into bushes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
