it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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