i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
