I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
