K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
