my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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