people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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