Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
