I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
