I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
