I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
