Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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