I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
