considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my poor anus
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize