Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
