Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
