Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
