Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
