When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
