Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize