in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
