do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
