I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize