currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
