Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
