Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
