I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
