Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
