Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
