pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
