Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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