just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize