I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
