I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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