apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize