I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if only i could text you this smell
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The ass gains better be worth it
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