just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
