That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I fill condoms, not promises.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
