they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
