How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
