hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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