There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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