He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
