guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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