What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
