what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
