I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't think brook has ever known best
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
