I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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