My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
