I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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