Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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