Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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