This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't make out with my wife yet
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
