Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
