I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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