I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
