So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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