Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize