Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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