I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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