you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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