Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone came in the potted fern
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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