The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
