Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
