Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
