try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
