do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
how does that bad decision feel?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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