I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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