Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
