I look better un-naked...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize